Seven Card

I had been friends with a girl for about 10+ years, very close for the past two years. Then, she got a new boyfriend… and I got married… and it all went to heck.

I asked her to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. At the time, I decided I wanted to have just two (I later expanded to three). I had previously planned on getting married in August of 2009 and having seven (three family), but my husband’s deployment overseas caused us to push the date up to this past November.

So, I believe the stress of the wedding planning and everything just got the best of everyone and took possibly the final toll on our friendship.

We had never fought before the wedding, but suddenly she complained over having to pay $20 for alterations, did not want to pay to get her hair done, did not want to show up to functions, etc. Okay, she is in nursing school and I knew she did not have a lot of money. All in all, I asked them to pay half on their dress ($40… they were originally $150, but I haggled and waited and got a great deal!), any for alterations, plus $30 for their hair. Then chip in towards the bridal shower, if possible. I really wanted her in my wedding and I had just graduated fom nursing school and knew how tough it could be financially and stresswise, so I went ahead and paid for her dress and alterations. I even offered to talk to her Mom (our Moms are good friends, that is how we met), because I knew her Mom wouldn’t mind to help out, but she was too prideful and told me not to. Apparently, she got upset I even suggested that. I would have loved to pay for everything for everyone, but paying her way completely didn’t seem fair, plus my husband and I then had about 10,000 in credit card debt from school and the wedding (we’re now debt free, yay!).

So, my friends and I decided we wanted to go out to eat and back to my house to play games and have a girly sleepover for my bachelorette. Several of us are pretty religious and never felt comfortable with the whole partying, penis necklaces, strange shaped cakes, etc. (haha). She kept saying she couldn’t come and we changed the date several times. Finally, I canceled it all together.

So, then we are up to the point where we are decorating the church. She showed up two hours late and after endless phone calls.

Then, she mentioned that she wasn’t going to go my reception, at all. This was my breaking point. She said she wanted to go to her boyfriend’s brother’s 10th birthday party instead and thought going to my wedding would be enough. Well, I had introductions, the bridal party table, etc. and all that planned and plus, I really wanted her there.

I told her she could be a bridesmaid and go to the reception or she could just not be in the wedding. She decided not to be in the wedding and since I had originally planned to have seven, I had a close cousin of mine (who was going to walk my pup down the aisle… yes, I’m one of those crazy people, haha!) take her place.

Other things happened in the month or so leading up to the event. We had just never fought, ever!, before this. We were so close. Then, it was like the wedding plus her new boyfriend (they’ve been together for 11 months now) threw everything off key.

I miss her very much. I’m still hurt and I’m sure I hurt her, but I would like to reconcile, if possible.

We are both still young, she is 20 almost 21 and I am 23.

I think about her often and I even had a dream last night in which we made up and hugged and cried.

I just don’t know if I should make up with her, if I should wait for her to make the first move, if the relationship can even be saved…

We’ve not talked since the night before my wedding.

Any help or suggestions would greatly be appreciated.

Her birthday is coming up and I thought about sending her a card and a small gift in the mail, either from me or anonymously. I also thought about messaging her boyfriend, hoping he would not tell her, to see if he thought we could reconcile.

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